February 04, 2004

Why We Love Children

Super busy..here some funnies, if you haven't seen them already.

1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. "You did WHAT?! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."

2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later....."Da-ad...." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?" "No, you had your chance Lights out." Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad.." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??" "I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!" Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"

3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"

4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."

5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."

6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, "but what's growing in your butt?"

7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".. and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, ' The sky is falling, the sky is falling! '" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."

10. A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?" Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough." The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"

11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father she stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake. The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're going to get hair on your Twinkie." She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm going to get boobs too."

February 02, 2004

I Feel Cozy

It's another frigid night here in Wisconsin. The snow is falling and I have about half an hour before I have to leave the warmth of my bedroom caccoon and pickup the 3 older kids from AWANA.

R is lying next to me, the warmth and contentment will make it heard to leave and go out into the cold. Even if it's only for a few minutes. I don't want to leave the house. I want to consume this really of nesting, warmth and security without interruption.

The other little love of my life, lil' J, is watching me type. He's watching 'my world' as he calls it.

I'm not sure what that says about my time spent online. They come up with the funniest sayings. The most precious gift to be given are children and if all kids were like him, everyone would want more, lots more.

I'm in reality though, since I also have the type of kids that make strangers run out and get their tubes tied.

Today was a blah day, not much to say. I did this or that, and tried to clean to the point where I was somewhat productive. My lil' J is sick, so close by him I was and wanted to be.

I was feeling motherly.

Though, I would have loved to read all day. My latest book is The Professor and the Madman. It's wickedly good, but I won't bore you with why I think so.

Last night I dreamt I was going to grandma Millie's house which is near
Harrison Michigan. Every winter about this time the dreams start. This has been going on ever since I moved back to San Diego with my mom after living with grandma for two years. Like clockwork these dreams would start each fall and intensify in the winter until I went to visit during the summer.

Sometimes the area in which she lives is different and the path to her house is foreign to me, but I always meet someone I have never seen before to interogate as to where everything is now.

The sky is blue and the air is fresh and moist like a humid Michigan summer. The grass this time was golden, like tall wheat all about the roads. There were roads everywhere and I kept taking a different one until I found grandma's house. Only this time she was the one that was laying down in the bed from weakness and it was grandpa that seemed younger. She needed an aspirin (probably no doubt cause grandpa can be such a p.i.t.a) so out I went to my childhood best friends house to get one. Her parents house is two houses away from grandma's. I can't remember the rest really.

It always leaves me with a sense of longing and nostalgia of childhood.

Only now I live closer to her and will be able to drive out for grandpa's birthday on Feburary 28th. There won't be fresh, summer air, and tall golden grass though. That fullfilment will have to wait for later.

I got this blog at the advice of a friend but I'm not sure if I'm staying here. I'm still writing at my other place and for now I'm not sharing this link. It's sort of my own private blogilo for now.