February 02, 2004

I Feel Cozy

It's another frigid night here in Wisconsin. The snow is falling and I have about half an hour before I have to leave the warmth of my bedroom caccoon and pickup the 3 older kids from AWANA.

R is lying next to me, the warmth and contentment will make it heard to leave and go out into the cold. Even if it's only for a few minutes. I don't want to leave the house. I want to consume this really of nesting, warmth and security without interruption.

The other little love of my life, lil' J, is watching me type. He's watching 'my world' as he calls it.

I'm not sure what that says about my time spent online. They come up with the funniest sayings. The most precious gift to be given are children and if all kids were like him, everyone would want more, lots more.

I'm in reality though, since I also have the type of kids that make strangers run out and get their tubes tied.

Today was a blah day, not much to say. I did this or that, and tried to clean to the point where I was somewhat productive. My lil' J is sick, so close by him I was and wanted to be.

I was feeling motherly.

Though, I would have loved to read all day. My latest book is The Professor and the Madman. It's wickedly good, but I won't bore you with why I think so.

Last night I dreamt I was going to grandma Millie's house which is near
Harrison Michigan. Every winter about this time the dreams start. This has been going on ever since I moved back to San Diego with my mom after living with grandma for two years. Like clockwork these dreams would start each fall and intensify in the winter until I went to visit during the summer.

Sometimes the area in which she lives is different and the path to her house is foreign to me, but I always meet someone I have never seen before to interogate as to where everything is now.

The sky is blue and the air is fresh and moist like a humid Michigan summer. The grass this time was golden, like tall wheat all about the roads. There were roads everywhere and I kept taking a different one until I found grandma's house. Only this time she was the one that was laying down in the bed from weakness and it was grandpa that seemed younger. She needed an aspirin (probably no doubt cause grandpa can be such a p.i.t.a) so out I went to my childhood best friends house to get one. Her parents house is two houses away from grandma's. I can't remember the rest really.

It always leaves me with a sense of longing and nostalgia of childhood.

Only now I live closer to her and will be able to drive out for grandpa's birthday on Feburary 28th. There won't be fresh, summer air, and tall golden grass though. That fullfilment will have to wait for later.

I got this blog at the advice of a friend but I'm not sure if I'm staying here. I'm still writing at my other place and for now I'm not sharing this link. It's sort of my own private blogilo for now.