That's about where I am right now I guess. I think it's just borderline. Maybe it's only S.A.D. I do know that Monday was the first day I had left the house in one week. It was only to walk Lil' J to the bus stop. I was thinking to myself, wow this is what it's like outside. I can hear birds singing, when did that happen?
That's when I realized how pathetic I've been lately. The fact that I've gotten to where I constantly just pull my hair back into a scrunchy should have been a clue.
I'm that girly girl that loves to have my hair, make-up and nails done. The fact that I've gained like 10lbs without eating more should have been a clue. The fact that I haven't slept decently in months should have been a clue. Or that I have no motivation at all.
I had a total meltdown on Saturday where I began screaming at R. I eventually hid in my room.
Well it was more like I was SENT to my room.
I of course screamed more that I can't be sent to my room since I'm an adult.
Even though I wasn't acting like one. I lost.
So I stayed in my room for most of the day. Richard tried to bring me a Sky Blue. Maybe he hoped I'd get buzzed and at least be a happy, crazy woman.
March 22, 2005
March 16, 2005
My life is like
A merry-go-round. I'm sorry I haven't been updating often. Life has just been crazy and it seems like it's spinning out of control on me. I keep reminding myself though, that God is in control, and has a plan.
My mooch is in France now, I'll update about that later. It was crazy trying to get her ready for the 2 week trip, all the while my van decides to start acting up. So I had to rent a car to take her to the school where the coach bus left for the airport. It turns out it's going to cost about $3000 to repair it so the guy said to throw it away. It's only worth about $3500 but we JUST paid it off last year. We don't have the money to keep sinking into this van, but if we got a rock bottom repair of $1500 it could work out. Or couldit? Would other things keep dying on it? Do we suck it up, and take on another monthly expense aka 'car payment'. I didn't want to do that, as we're trying to work our way towards a mortage & it would be nice to not have that monthly debt on the application. J is failing math class at this new school. S is back to going to the resource room for math, and she's always struggling with late and missing work. The pansy cat is still peeing everywhere. I am trying to Spring clean and get this house organized and clean before Mooch comes back, and especially before her French friend comes in April. Stop this merry-go-round. It's just not fun anymore. I've had all the round and round I can stomach.
That picture was taken last summer in cause you're wondering. I believe at a local park. The only kid in focus is J's best friend. It was a great capture. They look to be having lots of fun, right now, for me though, not so much.
My mooch is in France now, I'll update about that later. It was crazy trying to get her ready for the 2 week trip, all the while my van decides to start acting up. So I had to rent a car to take her to the school where the coach bus left for the airport. It turns out it's going to cost about $3000 to repair it so the guy said to throw it away. It's only worth about $3500 but we JUST paid it off last year. We don't have the money to keep sinking into this van, but if we got a rock bottom repair of $1500 it could work out. Or couldit? Would other things keep dying on it? Do we suck it up, and take on another monthly expense aka 'car payment'. I didn't want to do that, as we're trying to work our way towards a mortage & it would be nice to not have that monthly debt on the application. J is failing math class at this new school. S is back to going to the resource room for math, and she's always struggling with late and missing work. The pansy cat is still peeing everywhere. I am trying to Spring clean and get this house organized and clean before Mooch comes back, and especially before her French friend comes in April. Stop this merry-go-round. It's just not fun anymore. I've had all the round and round I can stomach.
That picture was taken last summer in cause you're wondering. I believe at a local park. The only kid in focus is J's best friend. It was a great capture. They look to be having lots of fun, right now, for me though, not so much.
March 15, 2005
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