March 22, 2005


That's about where I am right now I guess. I think it's just borderline. Maybe it's only S.A.D. I do know that Monday was the first day I had left the house in one week. It was only to walk Lil' J to the bus stop. I was thinking to myself, wow this is what it's like outside. I can hear birds singing, when did that happen?

That's when I realized how pathetic I've been lately. The fact that I've gotten to where I constantly just pull my hair back into a scrunchy should have been a clue.

I'm that girly girl that loves to have my hair, make-up and nails done. The fact that I've gained like 10lbs without eating more should have been a clue. The fact that I haven't slept decently in months should have been a clue. Or that I have no motivation at all.

I had a total meltdown on Saturday where I began screaming at R. I eventually hid in my room.

Well it was more like I was SENT to my room.

I of course screamed more that I can't be sent to my room since I'm an adult.

Even though I wasn't acting like one. I lost.

So I stayed in my room for most of the day. Richard tried to bring me a Sky Blue. Maybe he hoped I'd get buzzed and at least be a happy, crazy woman.