August 11, 2006

Random Thoughts

Yes, I missed Thursday Thirteen. I'm a little busy here nursing an injured dog, making sure he doesn't jump around and hurt his leg, or eat his poop when he goes in his kennel intead of outside. My poor baby.

I've had a lot of time to think and ponder lately. About nothing really important along with the heavy "wow, man" spiritual groovy type stuff. Today though, I feel like just rambling about all the things I've been wondering about lately.

First of all, I seem to have a new stalker. He followed me from flickr and if leaving me nasty, rude, and dumbass comments because he has a I'm-a-total-jerk-loser-whose-insecure-about-my-short-stature-and-manly-looking-wife complex isn't bad enough, he tried to spread his ignorant stupidity to Vinny's blog and leave sarcastic comments on one of my kids baby pictures. He must be a stupid man.

He had two different flickr accounts obviously and it seemed every time I turned around there he was. What a freak. He apparently thinks I'm some irresponsible pet owner because I allowed an unforseen accident to happen to my dog and I didn't make sure I had thousands of dollars to pay for said unforseen accident. What a clown.

Phish. I think the man has a death wish. He must have, because I'm about ready to go loco on his fugly little ass.

Mean people suck. You just never know whose watching and reading your blog. It just might be your neighbor, your boss, or one of millions of totally unstable asshats in the world. Do they really have nothing better to do?

Anyone seen my pepper spray?

On to my next random thought. Is it unreasonable to expect a frog to swim? See, because I was watching my husband spend hours playing Frogger on the Xbox 360 which he might need to chain down to insure it's still around as I'm selling anything I can to help pay for my piglet's ongoing vet bills and he was so insistant on making sure he got those silly little achievements unlocked, that if he wasn't coming to the rescue of those lady frogs just right quick enough he'd bail out and start all over. Is it possible to train a man to clean the bathroom with that much persistance and passion? I digress...

Anyone seen my stun gun?

He's getting all flustered when the frog keeps drowning. I mean, really. It's called F-r-o-g-g-e-r. Why is the dang thing drowning when it jumps into the water anyways. Yeah, I know, there's all kinds of varieties of frogs, but I highly doubt the African tree frog is the kind that's going to hop through traffic and over logs for a bug. What's the fun in that anyways? It's a freakin frog, can I not expect it to at least froggy paddle it's butt across the river? It drowns the second it goes into water? Zee frog should be able swim through the water and the real challenge will be avoiding getting side-swiped by a log. Now, that would make more sense.

Can't you just see their thumbs madly smashing the controller, arms together and waving up and all over as if pretending they're flying a kite somehow does something for their game, "Come on frog, swim, jump up, swim, come on, up, up, up, almost there...oh $%^& there goes its head.

Stop looking at me like that. I'm not deranged, I'm just a little cooped up lately.

I think I'll end with one last random thought. How is it that soda manufacterers have somehow brain washed people into thinking that diet drinks that taste like old people candy or lemon pledge actually taste good. Snap out of it people. Diet soda is bad enough on its own. And don't go trying to convince me otherwise. We all know that if you drink something often enough you'll get used to it well enough to the point when you take a swig your facial expression no longer looks like you've just seen Janet Reno naked.

Now we have this Diet Pepsi Jazz crap? It's poo. Richard bought the strawberry creme because he's such a sucker for any new or novel product out of curiousity. I relented and tasted some. How they ever got that rancid stuff produced is my first thought. I shouldn't be surprised I guess, Kathy Lee Griffin actually has albums out and Ice Cube even had a hit song. Do people actually want to drink DIET colas that takes like artificially flavored popsicles?

Why? Anyone seen my fly swatter?

It's OK, it's them that should be ashamed. You've all become victim to their little chemical trickery. There should be laws against selling drinks that taste like poo. We can all stand around drinking our Jones, Izzes, Sprechers, and Stewarts while flinging bottle caps at their eyeballs.

Anyone seen my car keys?

I'm going to go wash my mouth out with soap now.