Cute, but not presentable

Our children couldn't be anymore contary lately. It's time for some major prayer and fasting, or perhaps just a really big whacker. I can dress them up to look like the cute human beings that I know deep down they really are, but I just can't take them out.

I thought it would be nice to take The Kids out to Applebees. I hate that place, but they all love it. We rarely take them all out at once anymore and The Husband had just wanted to take me out because he knows how ragged I am after a day alone with three teenagers. He wasn't too thrilled at the thought of bringing the whole gang. The truth is, he will wait until they're done eating to come to the table. It has gotten that bad. I insisted and got my way being the veteran wife that I am. There was an old man working as a host and he seated us in a regular booth instead of the larger booth that was available for large parties like us. As soon as we are seated, Mooch had to start bitching about having to sit next to Snoo and how she wanted to sit next to me, but she doens't like sitting on the inside..blah blah blah. I told her that I'm not sitting in the middle so she could go cry herself a river. Snoo had to start yapping back, then she offered to move and then J had to join in and yap about how stupid it was for the old guy to seat us where he did, but how it doesn't matter where the girls sit..blah blah blah.

One of my offspring had to loudly comment about how that man should have went to college so he's not seating people at a chain restaurant at the age of 60. The Husband reminded them that's why they should start getting their work done and study harder. Snoo had to start in with complaining that she couldn't order anything and everything that she wanted. This all transpires within three minuties of sitting down, honestly. What can I say, the punks talk a lot and really fast. All this is going on at once and the whole place feels like it's closing in on me, I look over at The Husband's expression and I instantly knew why he didn't want to take the kids. It has become totally out of hand and he became annoyed and threatened to take us home. The waitress comes over to ask how we all are, and to my dismay-and her shock I'm sure-I actually said, "not so good". Poor lady. I look at The Husband and ask, "so do you want to go or not?" He replies, "if they can't get their act together and knock it off. (To them-Can you all be quiet and stop this crap?) And I don't think we want to sit here, do you?"

It was ugly, let me tell you. I wanted to disappear into the smelly vinyl chairs.

The childless woman looks at all of us like we're the nutheads that we are and then says, "So, um yeah, I'll let you all work all that out." There's silence for about 45 seconds and then the crapola continues. The Husband starts standing up to leave and I begin to fantasize about running away from home just as she she abrubtly comes back to the table with an expression of morbid curiosity. The Husband tells her we'd like to move to the larger booth. Flippantly, she says, "you can go where ever you all want." And that's how our nice family outting started. Not more then five minutes later though they're all busy playing cellphone games and laughing about American Idol retakes and I'm thinking-who are these kids? And why do they call me mother? Are these the same kids that cause their grandparents to want to cut their visit short? That had almost every teacher thinking about retiring 30 years early? Sure, they are all super good-looking, intelligent, creative, loving, mostly decent people, but they are a handful to say the least. They make the same mistake after mistake, get disciplined for the same thing over and over, they can be extremely loud, impulsive, stubborn, obnoxious, impatient, and disorganied. Not surprising since two out of four have ADHD, not including The Husband.

I know people mean well, but emails about how well fish oil works really doesn't help. It is what it is. Two teenagers with ADHD and one with mild depression. I'm in the ring of fire.