I'm So Sick

I'm so sick. I'm not feeling very good either. Cough.

I've switched places with the sick husband and now I'm that big baby I usually mock. I thought I had gotten lucky. I had a little sore throat, I was more tired then usual but I got by. I was a steel magnolia. Then that familiar feeling in the back of my throat reappeared. It's just not fair. I have to get sick TWICE?

I can't breathe. I can't stop sneezing. I think there's dirt in my throat. I don't care about my hair. My nose is on fire and I have to take short, shallow breaths to keep from choking to death from a coughing spell.

I have no idea what is going on with the blog world, my blog buddies, my friends, family or the real world. I can't even hear properly so I think my family are talking about me. Perhaps about how bad my bed head looks?

Now the whole world knows, that I'm a BIG BABY, with bad hair.

No matter how ick I am, I can still leave a picture for foto friday. In case you need a smile or a reminder to always take time for fun, here's a good image to remember..

Happy Birthday Snoo

I can't believe that you are 13 already. The day you were born seems like so long ago, yet it doesn't seem real to me that you are 13 today. I know life hasn't always been that easy for you. I know life has been hard for you at times. Even in your short years.

You had trouble at birth and so many difficulties since then. You have come SO far, and you WILL go even further. Your journey has barely begun. Just remember that you are loved and no matter what, I'll always be right here for you. Be confident. Know that you have a spiritual force on your side and a family that loves you in spite of all, above all, and always and forever.

Happy Birthday Snoo!

Foto Friday

I took this shot at Fireman's Park in Richfield, Wisconsin.

I really love this picture. I can't wait to frame it. I look at this picture and his face; his expression, and I know he'll be forever young to me.

Mayday. Mayday

Help me! First off, I know I've been a bad bad girl. Not updating for two weeks! Oh. My. Good 'N Plenties, has it really been that long?

My grandma called me. She's planning on arriving at my house TOMORROW NIGHT. Yes, she just sprung that on me. Of course, I can't wait to see her, but it's not the best time for her to come out. Being broke for the week, having a laundry room sink clogged, and a house full of sick people, some that aren't feeling very well either, is posing a challenge for me.

OK, back to my long lack of posting. Shame on me. I know.

My absence really has nothing to do with the fact that I've been asked to be a driver and chaperone for every field trip Jake has had in the last two weeks. There have been 3.

It has nothing to do with the fact that Ms. Moochie turned 12 and I had to make a Mexican fiesta for her birthday dinner, clean the house, and pretend like I have the skill and time to be Martha Stewart.

I don't think it has anything to do with the fact that my computer seems to like disconnecting me from DSL lately, and when I try to rescan it decides to steal my neighbors wireless connection. Not only is it not legal, but his connection blows. Stinks. It's crap. My pc is making me VERY ANGRY, I tell you. MELISSA IS VERY ANGRY!

Maybe it is because I've actually been leaving my house to run errands and take beautiful fall pictures.

Or maybe it's homeschooling the 9th grader. Trying to get this kid to do his work has been a pain in the ass very interesting. He's a 15 year old version of a Halo 2 addicted Robin Williams intermingled with Jim Carrey with the skateboard urges of Tony Hawk. He said he's calling CPS on me, or the Marines, because he shouldn't have to do a Language Arts lesson that is 3-4 pages long. It took him 6 hours to get the lesson done one day, and I'm quite sure the publishers only had about 40 minutes in mind.

I don't think the fact I've felt a bit like eyeore lately could explain my absense either? I mean really, couldn't I just sign on to regurgitate news, post some silly quiz about which Charlies Angel I'd be, or ponder the meaning of life? Nah. I'm too lazy for that and I like you all too much.

Oh, maybe it's because we've been sick and my big baby of a husband sweet, strong as iron husband was laid out on his back for two days.

I don't think reading The Handmaid's Tale in two days and Rage Against the Veil: The Courageous Life and Death of an Islamic Dissident, in 4 days was a contributing factor either. Nor could my reading Song of Solomon and In the Eye of the Storm simutaniously, be getting in the way of my blogging either. I don't think at least?

Could it be, that since I've decided to really take this domestic engineer business seriously that such duties have encroached upon on my blogging prowess? I mean, I'm actually dusting, cleaning, organizing, cooking, polishing, scrubbing, and mending my days away. Well, most of my days. I think I've now proved to myself that there's a good reason why I despise all of those mundane tasks I'm supposed to be doing with a sense of loving service.

Can't I just get a maid?

I know what you're thinking. You don't agree that any of the above reasons could be a good excuse as to why I haven't updated all of you on my life and quirky thoughts. Shame on me for trying to convince you that they were. Right?

OK, here goes.

The real reason for my quietness was that I abducted my aliens. Yes, it's true. I went for a walk through the park, to take pictures of Wisconsin in Autumn glory. Then I was standing too close to the lake when all of a sudden a glowing light caught my eye. I was in a trance, when instantly I was sucked under water where the perfunctory prodding, poking, and probing took place. Don't worry, I won't be giving birth to a strange marine creature, they were gentlemanly enough.

However, I didn't care for that part as much as they would have liked me to. I think my dissatisfication was very obvious since I was gifted with pink diamonds, pearls, and a lovely mermaid suit, complete with mermaid flipper feet. They allowed me to choose a look with purple, green, blue, and pink scales. I looked rather dashing, I should say.

I had to go meet the leader of these aquatic mermaid like aliens. I had quite a bit of tripidation when mingling with these intelligent fish forms. After some time though, my inquisitiveness got the best of me and I began to befriend some of them. Once you get past the fish breath, it's not that hard to be friendly and make friends with their kind. They were having a monthly bash, complete with food, dancing, and corny pick up lines. After watching them do the mackerelena I felt it was time I asked why I was there and when I would get to go home.

Their message was quite simple really. All they want is for all the men of Wisconsin to stop wearing speedos to the lake. Apparently, the very sight of these men, especially the fat and hairy backed ones, are killing off the females of their kind. They either combust or turn lesbian. Pretty soon the men won't have enough females to carry on the species, or even worse, accompany them to the monthly mackerelena bash.

I thought it was a fair enough request, and since they treated me rather kindly I agreed.

Here's the message: Men of Wisconsin, please refrain from prancing around the lakes of south east Wisconsin in a speedo. When you see a speedo in the store, do NOT mistakenly think it's calling out your name from the shelves. It's a lie, do not be deceived. You will not look like a hot lifeguard. For all of our sakes, please just say no. Instead, board shorts will do nicely. And if you wouldn't mind, could you maybe consider waxing your back? Sometimes I've had to wonder if a little time spent in the sun before arriving wouldn't be nice.

Well folks, there you have it. I went through quite the ordeal, wouldn't you agree? But, I take my job as an ambassador for these aquatic aliens seriously. It's my duty to put an end to pasty, hairy, chubby men trying to pass off tight, ugly panties as swimsuits.

Hey, don't you believe me? It is so true. No, I haven't been watching too much TV lately!

It's Official, I'm a..

Homeschooling mom. Yep, you read that right. Melissa, the woman who loves to send her kids out of the house is now a homeschooling mom of a 9th grader.

Oh, dear God, what am I getting myself in to? I just sent off the form to the Wisconsin Department of Education. We're on our way through a journey that I never really thought I'd take. I've always liked the idea of homeschooling. I just was never up to the reality of it. I've contemplated it a few times, especially when my son was in 5th grade and begged me to.

J: Please mom, please! I have way too much homework, I can't do this.

Certainly a child's disdain for homework isn't a good reason to homeschool, right? We kept him in the private school that he attended from 4th grade through one month of 8th. Last year he tried public school for the first time since 3rd grade. It was a nightmare. The math that our school distract uses is obviously meant for extraterrestrials. J's vocabulary and reading abilities have been college level since 7th grade. However, he's always struggled with math, organization and study skills. He has ADHD and depression and he excels in some areas to the point of being advanced, and yet he remains almost remedial in math. I won't go into why he isn't in the private school anymore at this point, I just know that a traditional school isn't working for him.

He's bored, uninspired and frustrated.

My number one complaint is that he's not learning how to learn. He's not being taught how to take ownership over his own learning. This concept of spiral learning is bunk. Read, memorize, test, forget. That's about what it boils down to. Last night he took two candles from Mooch's birthday cake to experiment.

J: Mom, I've always wanted to know, why is it, that when I join two candles together the flame gets larger and larger. What is the scientific reasoning for that?

Me: Let's look it up tomorrow and then you can read about it as much as you want.

That's what I want to see. I want to see kids be able to really master a concept. To seek out the answers to their questions. Some of history's most renown scientists and inventors were homeschoolers and self taught learners. I don't know if this is something we'll do until graduation or not. I just know for now, he needs to get back to the basics in the areas that he's weak in, gain confidence, and discover that he's capable of learning how to learn. He can teach himself just as easily as any teacher at school.

So far, there have been frustrations. With his ADHD, he's sometimes very unmotivated and prone to distraction easily. He's also figuring out that I mean business. When I say something needs to be done, it had better get done. I don't care if he chooses to do math or language arts first, just so long as it gets done. Complaining, grumbling, and tantrums will not be allowed in my classroom!

I don't plan on turning my personal space into a homeschooling blog, but seeing as though I now am homeschooling one of my four kids, I guess I might as well out myself.

Here's J. He has this idea that many homeschoolers are dorks with their pants up to their nipples. He'd like to change that misconception and thinks of himself as the boy that's going to do it. So, this is the face of a high school aged homeschooler.



Wish me luck. God only knows I need some help. Miracles, patience and fairy dust accepted.

Hey, Stupid

Yes, you. Stop looking around idiot, it's you I'm talking to.

Mr. 72.240.138, your spending a work day searching for "wet perverts completely dumb" Really, please. You can do better then that.

You shouldn't even have a computer, dumbass. Go play with Mr. 195.93.21 who likes to look at "soiled pantie liners". Yum.

Hey there, Mr. 66.69.32, from New Braunfels, Texa, you didn't think you were going to get "off" so easily did you? No pun intended. You really want to see "pics of women's nipples poking through top"?

You want nipples? You really, really, really do? Have you been a good wittle boy? Here's your stinkin' Christmas card nipples dork. You like?

Mr. 201.14.129 from Santa Catarina, Brazil. Now, now, I haven't forgotten you. You were looking for "melissa the butterfly babe" Well you found her. Damn straight, and don't you other fools forget it.

Dumb perv, soiled panty boy and Mr. Nipples, stay outta' my blog or I'm eating your liver with fava beans. Slurp.

Do my boobs look big in this?

I took this shot at the Wisconsin State Fair.

This is not goat p*rn? Really, I'm not a pervert. I just had to take this shot though. Others were standing around gawking an amazement. Some people made some not so nice comments about the goat owner. All I could think was OUCH. Where are the milker people? There's something so wrong about this.



This is just another reason reincarnation can't be true. I'll be damned if I'm coming back as a dairy goat.

My 23rd Post

The intergalatic blogger, Jana of Going Places has tagged me. Not only does she have a very cool new look, she also has TWO kitchens! Here are the rules:

1. Go into your archive
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five other people to do the same.

I'm including my 23rd post before I transferred the archives from my other blog, so I'm sort of cheating, but here it is anyways, Happy Birthday Baby and here's the fifth sentence: "In your short years you will have already traveled further then I have and you're surely much braver then I."

I'm tagging Adri of Multi-Tasking: A Mom's Blog, Stacie of Mommy's Busy, Take a Number , So Lost of Lost in Wisconsin, Guppy of Guppyman's Rant Zone, Poo of It's All Relative?*