Sneaky Children Go High Tech

I left my email open and apparently my Mooch (12) is a sneaky little schemer. No can do, but nice try. Gotta give her kudos for seizing an opportunity though, having the guts to be so brazen, and being an assertive little thing. Now, I'll just have to make sure she doesn't turn into a hacker and get us all thrown into jail. Here is an email sent by "me" to my husband:

Subject : luv ya

I love you ! You know, Michelle is a very good girl, she's our best child, so i've been thinking,weshould get Michelle a Golden Ritriver!Think about it. But, we really really should!!!Well see you later!!i love you!! Bye!

Melissa

My Perfect Partner

Lost got me back for tagging her so many times. She's always be gracious and so too will I. I was tempted to snag things from my recent Count the Ways post, but I'm that's cheating.

"My Perfect Partner"

1. Loves the Lord.
2. Is honest.
3. Admits when he's wrong.
4. Handles puking kids in the middle of the night.
5. Loves to laugh.
6. Logical and loving.
7. Can tolerate my family.
8. Loves children.
9. Is Sensitive but not wussy.

I'm not tagging anyone, play if you want to.

Let Me Count the Ways

Lately I've been thinking about how great my husband is. Sure, he can't balance a checkbook to save his life (I don't even think he uses one), he leaves tiny scruffy black hairs in the sink, fingernail clippings on the counter, holes in his underwear, he drinks from the cartons, he would rather have a vasectomy then do the dishes, he laughs at me when I'm mad, he aquires many late fees, he's extremely forgetful, he's easily moody, he won't clean the catbox even though he wanted more cats, he mocks Oprah, he drives around on empty in our new van, he thinks almost everyone is lying until proven otherwise, he throws his dirty laundry on the stairs, he rarely likes going places, he swears and calls names like a little boy when he's mad, he doesn't understand that every trip to the store should produce toilet paper, napkins, and paper towels, and he can't dance.

I'm sure there are other things, but I'm being gracious.

Then I had to think of all the ways he's superfragalistic. How do I love him? Let me count the ways.

1. I love that he's known me since I was 15 and he stills gets goosebumps when I touch him.
2. I love that he's witnessed a slimy, crying, tiny human body come out of my crotch, yet he's still super turned on by me.
3. I love that he can buy my tampons without batting one of his very long and beautiful eyelashes
4. I love that he's gone to the store to buy me post baby diapers pads, just to go back again when I informed him they were the wrong kind, yet still he envisions me as a goddess in a thong.
5. I love that he lets me sleep in on Saturdays, even though he's the one that got up early for work all week long.
6. I love that he'll go to the store at midnight, in the freezing cold, if my heart desires something.
7. I love that he'll make me a fantabulous breakfast on the weekend, even if he's secretly bitching that I should be the one to make him breakfast.
8. I love that he reads to my five year old almost every night and tucks him into bed.
9. I love that he watches chick flicks without complaining, in fact, on his own he's seen When Harry Met Sally more times then is normal for anyone.
10. I love that he'll do laundry, even if my clothes don't get put away and he shrinks and bleaches Gymboree clothes.
11. I love that he brings me home chocolate even when I tell him no because my ass is too big.
12. I love that he's a godly man that really truly does care about people.
13. I love that he desires to see curves on my body, especially near my hips.
14. I love that he'll cook for me on the weekends, even if it wasn't his own idea and I hardly cooked meals during the week.
15. I love that he tolerates the light as I read at night, even if only for awhile at least.
16. I love that he'll make me (Ms. Geograpically challenged) directions if I'm going somewhere without him.
17. I love that he calls me from work just to hear the sound of my voice.
18. I love that he knows most of my dirty little secrets and still acts like I'm mysterious.
19. I love that he's seen me practically shart myself during pregnancy, or pass some other nasty alien like substance yet he only jokes about it loudly every three years.
20. I love that he loves babies.
21. I love that he's a strong advocate for breastfeeding and attachment parenting, even if that means he's been kicked in the head at night by a nursing monkey baby performing gymnastics when he's had to work at 6am.
22. I love that he smiles and says ,"I love you", when the kids and I are acting like idiots.
23. I love that he puts up with my endlessly childish pranks and behaviors.
24. I love that he brings me home butterfly patches and embellishments for my clothes, just because he knows I love butterflies.
25. I love that he'll go to Target for crapper supplies and bring me back a Strawberry Shortcake toy because he knew I never got one as a little girl.
26. I love that he buys me gorgeous flowers and jewelry even when the money could be used elsewhere and I'm too frugal and cheap to treat myself.
27. I love that he's accepted my feeding him side dishes for dinner.
28. I love that he'll let me check out library books under his card and gives in to his two book rule, because I have a fine of $17.50 on my own card.
29. I love that he works hard for me and our family, even if sometimes my homemaking seems more like my sitting around all day, which anyone with kids like mine knows isn't possible.
30. I love that he does most of the grocery shopping, a chore that I almost loathe as much as mopping the floor.
31. I love that he's notoriously known for breaking our "no gift" rule at Christmas time and surprises me with even the smallest, yet intensely sweet gifts.
32. I love that he's romantic and saves cards, letters, stubs, and has even put messages in the paper for me.
33. I love that he holds me when I cry letting me use his sleeve as a tissue or when I share my fears.
34. I love that he uses vacation time so we can go to Michigan to see my grandma, who will then undoubtedly share the same stories he's heard a million times, yet he never lets on otherwise.
35. I love that he'll go out of his way to do almost anything for me, even if I'm a bitch.
36. I love that he kisses me when he leaves for work, even if I'm so sound asleep I wouldn't notice.
37. I love that he lets me win when we play yahoo pool.
38. I love that he's almost always supportive of my waxing and waning interests.
39. I love that he always brags about me to his co-workers, even if I know I probably don't always deserve such adoration.
40. I love that he'll sit and stay at the table with me when I eat, even if I that means staying 30 minutes after he's done.
41. I love that he puts up with my teasing with good sportsmanship.
42. I love that he can sew and crochet, even if he's never made me one damn coaster or curtain. It's still sexy.
43. I love that he'll come upstairs when I'm in the shower, just to wash my back. I never let on that I know his true motivation is to see me soapy wet and naked.
44. I love that he lets me crack his toes. Hey, it's not that odd.
45. I love that he grew his hair back for me, even though he loves it shaved.
46. I love that he's usually gracious on the days that I rattle off a million complaints about the day or the kids before he's even got in the door, then he offers to go get me chocolate while I take a shower.
47. I love that he looks incredibly sexy in black turtleneck sweaters.
48. I love that he wants to be with me so much that he drove all night (eight hours ) to Michigan after he worked all day in Milwaukee, just to make it for me 29th birthday. Since it was a surprise we had the doors locked and he had to sleep the rest of the night and wee hours of the morning in the car. That's true wub.
49. I love that he makes me feel safe.
50. I love that my kiss can make almost all his worries and grumpiness go away.

Can I Have a Pony?

Pretty please?

Now, I want to know one thing. How the hell do they get that horse to fetch beer and answer the phone when I can barely get my kids to pick up their dirty underwear off the bathroom floor. Nevermind turn off a light. And I bet they never have to hear the whiny, "why do I have to go?" or "are we there yet"? He actually likes hitting the road.

Feeding him a burger though, now that's just wrong. He's obviously having some sort of identity crisis. The horse totally doesn't know it's a horse. Last time I checked, they don't eat cheeseburgers! Maybe they're giving Patches some ganja or something. Dude, like, the stallion's like got the munchies.

For those of you mothers that can barely manage to keep your kids together without constantly threatening Santa's wrath, you now have a backup plan.

Okay kids, shape up or I'm replacing you with Patches the horse! Now, now. Please, don't send me emails. Of course I'm not serious, but sometimes I wonder.

A Drunk Haircut

It's 4:27 pm. And I'm slightly drunk buzzed. In my defense I rarely drink, so when I do partake of something yummylicious like Baileys, (which is almost never) it doesn't take much before the silly grin sets in. And what do I mean by much? One tiny Baileys and a half. See, this is why I don't drink, and every one must think it's because I'm some sort of Puritan or something, which I am. Not

The Husband is currently being pursued by five different companies. He's thinking of spiffing up a bit and asked if I'd cut his hair.

I have no idea why anyone would want me to cut their hair. I shouldn't be allowed near scissors. My children would walk around looking like they had played beauty shop when no one was looking. Only I had cut their hair. When The Husband and I were first dating back when we were know-it-all teenagers he asked me to cut his hair. I was a little giddy then too. I don't remember what kind of cut he asked for, but I got so carried away that his bangs were a quarter of an inch by the time I was done. He had stubble all around his hairline. He had these little stumps of hair for bangs and when he looked into the mirror I was laughing so hard I almost peed myself. I thought for sure that was the end of R & M for-eva, but he just acted like it was no big deal and kept around and away from anything remotely sharp or electronic. His buddy shaved his head to fix my dastardly haircut and he wore a bandana for months. The funniest part was that even with his shaved head you could totally see how chopped the hair was at the hairline.

So when he asked me if I'd cut his hair, knowing I had a bailey or two in me I finally realized just how senile my 33 year old husband is getting.

You really want me to cut your hair honey? Well sure. Where's the clippers?

Friday Four Meme

The wonderful Mrs. Fun tagged me on Janurary 9th and I'm just now notcing. My bad. Yep, I'm a slowpoke lately. It's always hard to limit favorites as I can never make up my mind. I'm truly a A Girl in Metamorphosis, I'm always changing. I do have the well worn pair of beloved jeans in all areas, I just can't decide which ones to "put on" when I get a meme.

Four jobs you've had in your life (Mom is the coolest, most days)

1~ Ranch hand- I milked a goat among many things
2~Target-Customer Service
3~Hallmark-Shift leader
4~Pizzeria

Four movies you'd watch over and over (Some are ones I'm watching over and over at the moment)

1~Meet the Parents
2~Croutching Tiger Hidden Dragon
3~Shakesphere in Love
4~Girl with a Pearl Earring

Four places you have lived

1~San Diego, California
2~Novi, Michigan (plus Detroit and other suburban towns)
3~Snowflake, Arizona
4~Milwaukee, Wisconsin (currently in a NW suburb)

Four TV shows you love to watch

1. Lost
2~Grey's Anatomy
3~Jeopardy
4~4400

Four places you have been on vacation

1~ Captiva Island, Florida
2~Forest Falls, California (near Big Bear, I also lived there in 6th grade)
3~ Leota, Michigan
4~29 Palms, California

Four websites you visit daily

I don't have daily sites


Four of your favorite foods

1~Tacos
2~Cherries
3~ Smokey grilled Mahi from Tumbleweed
4~ Brownies with walnuts

Four places you would rather be right now

1. Tumbleweed
2~Movie Theater
3~Irish Pub
4~In bed

Four bloggers you are tagging

1. Jinxy
2. Ruby
3. Crystal
4. Kate


Filed under Meme

Brain Shaped Walnuts

This morning while munching on walnuts for breakfast I came across two that totally looked like brains.

There are two things that I know will happen to me. One, I will always find things left behind in library books. Receipts, cards, paper with notes about the book, letters, pictures, airline boarding passes...

The other thing is that while eating something, I'll find a resemblance of something else. I'm happy to report, so far I've never seen The Virgin Mary in my ice cream.

Oh, and did you know, oddly enough, if you crack open peanuts, on the bottom there's this little piece that looks like a lobster tail? And once when eating walnuts I found a perfect heart shaped nut. I took it as a sign since Richard was still in San Diego working. Eventually Snoo ate my special nut as she eats everything! My nerd self was heart broken. I still bring it up to this day. I'm almost over it.

When I eat walnuts I pretend I'm not looking, but secretly I hope to find another heart shaped walnut. Then today I find a brain instead.

What's up with that? The heart was much cuter. I think I'm done eating now.

I Haiku, Do You?

So, I've been encouraged to take a crack at writing a Haiku and sharing it on my blog. Since I homeschool and teach the basics of different poetry forms one of the last things I want to do with my three minutes of free time is do anything that resembles "school" I wrote some poems, including Haikus, when I was younger but I'm too lazy to dig them up. I dabbled a bit today and began to remember just how much hard it is to write a Haiku.

I decided to write more of an adult one for The Husband. I played around with it for abit. Something felt off to me. I don't know what it was. Maybe it's my perfectionist indecisive nature. I wondered if I should revise it and finally I did. Here's the final cut:

The cold night beckons
two lovers in close embrace
skin on skin their warmth

Curious about Haikus? Read some from the masters and get inspired.

Josiah's in Heaven

Today I was sifting through an old post to fix some bad code that was messing up pictures. I came across the post when my grandma died in Janurary 2005. It was back then that I found Josiah's blog. Like everyone, I prayed so much that that little boy would be healed. I can only imagine that his family and friends were on their knees constantly, yet still God brought him home.

Today I went to his blog immediately after realizing I hadn't read it in a few weeks. I haven't really been online much to do anything. The last time I read he wasn't doing as well as I had hoped but he had gone to school and enjoyed it. It's a rather curious thing, when you realize you have become very invested and interested in the lives of complete strangers in a very short period of time. And if it involves a suffering family, child, or animal, I'm there.

When I saw the first post from the opening page my heart just sank. It's devastating beyond imagination. And I never even met the sweet little man. My heart aches for his father, mother, for his brother Ben. For all of them. For every person touched by his life, his face, his story. I don't know what I feel. I have been crying off and on and I feel such sadness. I just wanted so badly for him to pull through, whole and with his family. He had to. He just had to. It just doesn't work that way. As parents, we can't wish and hope away the boo-boos, illnesses, tantrums, behavioral problems, broken hearts, fears, hurts, and struggles that our children will go through. And we certainly can't wish away cancer. Parents have many worse nightmares and things that we secretly fear can happen to our children, so that we don't say them outloud, lest somehow they come true. And the big C is one of the worst.

I quickly went looking for the day he went to be with Jesus. Josiah's family are Christians as am I. But differences of religion and doctrines have no barrier when it comes to the heart of a mother grieving for another.

Josiah died the same day I posted about our fabulous Christmas party. Life goes on for all people everywhere, but it's an odd feeling when you know you're having such a fabulous time-carefree and full of fun-when two parents are about to lose their son. My prayers and thoughts are with Josiah's family. I will never ever forget you or Josiah. I've appreciated the comments and emails from your friends and family. What great people to take the time to send me an update. If all families could have such support.

Today I'll be hugging my kids more often. Closer. Snugger. And putting into perspective all the odd and ends that often drive a parent crazy, but in the end are trivial in the flash that is childhoold. I want to take no one for granted. Take nothing for granted. Let not a day pass by without giving thanks, loving, living, and laughing. And if your heart moves you to do so, go give them your support.

Here's part of a post from Josiah's dad:

"3:26AM - I don’t know where to go from here. I feel lost. I just lost my son about three hours ago.

What an incredible kid. You’re more than any dad could ask for. You are incredible. I love you. You’re cool. You’re funny. You’re so smart. You’re so strong. You love God. You love people. You were a great big brother. You loved Tiger Woods on PS2. Made hole in ones all the time. I love the way you have all you little outfits and each one makes you a different personality. You’re so creative and imaginative. I love the way you think about things and you can take any little thing and turn it into something fun. I love the way you hug Ben. I love the way you want to change your outfits every two seconds even though it gets old pretty quick. It’s still cute. I love it when you run. I love it when you sling your webs. I love you. I love everything about you. I like how you know the parts in Spiderman. I like that you liked action super-heroes more than you liked sports guys. I like how you knew what your name means. I love the fact that you love Jesus. I like that you had a good heart and you regarded the weak. You are so good. You are a good kid. I’m so very proud of you.

I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."

Disco Baby...

In the year 2006 I resolve to: Bring back disco. Get your resolution here