January 06, 2006

Josiah's in Heaven

Today I was sifting through an old post to fix some bad code that was messing up pictures. I came across the post when my grandma died in Janurary 2005. It was back then that I found Josiah's blog. Like everyone, I prayed so much that that little boy would be healed. I can only imagine that his family and friends were on their knees constantly, yet still God brought him home.

Today I went to his blog immediately after realizing I hadn't read it in a few weeks. I haven't really been online much to do anything. The last time I read he wasn't doing as well as I had hoped but he had gone to school and enjoyed it. It's a rather curious thing, when you realize you have become very invested and interested in the lives of complete strangers in a very short period of time. And if it involves a suffering family, child, or animal, I'm there.

When I saw the
first post from the opening page my heart just sank. It's devastating beyond imagination. And I never even met the sweet little man. My heart aches for his father, mother, for his brother Ben. For all of them. For every person touched by his life, his face, his story. I don't know what I feel. I have been crying off and on and I feel such sadness. I just wanted so badly for him to pull through, whole and with his family. He had to. He just had to. It just doesn't work that way. As parents, we can't wish and hope away the boo-boos, illnesses, tantrums, behavioral problems, broken hearts, fears, hurts, and struggles that our children will go through. And we certainly can't wish away cancer. Parents have many worse nightmares and things that we secretly fear can happen to our children, so that we don't say them outloud, lest somehow they come true. And the big C is one of the worst.

I quickly went looking for the day he went to be with Jesus. Josiah's family are Christians as am I. But differences of religion and doctrines have no barrier when it comes to the heart of a mother grieving for another.

Josiah died the same day I posted about our fabulous Christmas party. Life goes on for all people everywhere, but it's an odd feeling when you know you're having such a fabulous time-carefree and full of fun-when two parents are about to lose their son. My prayers and thoughts are with Josiah's family. I will never ever forget you or Josiah. I've appreciated the comments and emails from your friends and family. What great people to take the time to send me an update. If all families could have such support.

Today I'll be hugging my kids more often. Closer. Snugger. And putting into perspective all the odd and ends that often drive a parent crazy, but in the end are trivial in the flash that is childhoold. I want to take no one for granted. Take nothing for granted. Let not a day pass by without giving thanks, loving, living, and laughing. And if your heart moves you to do so, go give them your support.

Here's part of a post from Josiah's dad:

"3:26AM - I don’t know where to go from here. I feel lost. I just lost my son about three hours ago.

What an incredible kid. You’re more than any dad could ask for. You are incredible. I love you. You’re cool. You’re funny. You’re so smart. You’re so strong. You love God. You love people. You were a great big brother. You loved Tiger Woods on PS2. Made hole in ones all the time. I love the way you have all you little outfits and each one makes you a different personality. You’re so creative and imaginative. I love the way you think about things and you can take any little thing and turn it into something fun. I love the way you hug Ben. I love the way you want to change your outfits every two seconds even though it gets old pretty quick. It’s still cute. I love it when you run. I love it when you sling your webs. I love you. I love everything about you. I like how you know the parts in Spiderman. I like that you liked action super-heroes more than you liked sports guys. I like how you knew what your name means. I love the fact that you love Jesus. I like that you had a good heart and you regarded the weak. You are so good. You are a good kid. I’m so very proud of you.

I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."