Interview with a Girl

1. What is your full name?
Melissa

2. What gets you relaxed after a hard day's work?
Hmm, photography, Chocolate, a good movie, surfing the net. Doesn't matter which order.

3. How long did your last conversation on the phone last?
Like 3 minutes. The Husband called, he likes to hear my voice. It doesn't matter what I say. Yes, I'm that captivating. I hate talking on the phone though.

4. What would you carry along on a first date?
What a question? Oh, gee, let me think. My knitting paraphernalia? Good looks? Charm?

I haven't dated for like, uhm..most my life. When I went on my first official date with The Husband I guess I just brought my purse and quick reflexes.

He just kept trying so hard to kiss me all night. Maybe I should have brought a fire extinguisher.

5. What are you dreaming of?
My own big house in the country with a christmas tree farm and reindeer. A trip around the country with my kids. Something like what Lisa Whelchel did and called it, The Family Dream. Only much cooler. And not so long or it will turn into the American Nightmare.

6. Where was your first date with your husband?

Teens, date? If you can call it that. Hmm, probably driving around his neighborhood and hanging out at his friends house. Pretty lame. But uh, we couldn't legally drive yet, so his friend was our transpo. And it was so like cool, we was ownin' that town.


7. How do you react to a secret admirer?

I use my Kung Fu moves on them. But mostly I just ignore them. Once there was this girl and Richard never lets me forget it. She wrote this poem for me and burnt the edges. She was a neighbor and we were both around 23 with 3 kids. I was a little freaked and started avoiding her like the plaque. She'd look for me at the laundry room. I made my family wear the same clothes for days. They've just not recovered.

The chic shaved her head and her eyebrows, but left her legs and pits so hairy I thought she was Sinead O'Connors sasquatch cousin. Not attractive.

8. What do you usually do when you're sad?
I deal with it internally. I'm not likely to cry easily. I'll get dark or moody sometimes. I'll read the Bible. I'll write things like, "nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I'm going to eat green worms."

9. Finish the sentence. Mirror mirror on the wall...
Will they ever learn at all?

10. What does your favorite color say about you?
Purple. Uh, that I like purple.

11. Psychology 101, pick one of these words: Caring, Rich, Popular, Cute, Generous...-
I need to take the philosophy class first, sorry.

12. Psychology 101, pick one of these words:Mean, Rude, Poor, Ugly, Selfish, Uncaring...-
Didn't we just cover this? I need an interviewer who isn't senile please.

13. What's your idea of a perfect Valentine's day gift?
A cabin in the middle of nowhere, roaring fire, yummy gooey creamy treats, good music and all night alone with The Husband. He has to walk around naked and give me a foot rub with sesame oil. I know I'm wicked. Your point?

14. Do you easily fall in love?
Only once

15. If you were a dessert, what kind of dessert
would you be?

Lemon Marscapone cheesecake? Chocolate volcano. Gelato. On three different plates of course.

16. What do you miss in your relationship?
Privacy and time. And firm a**es.

17. Are you a faithful person?
Yes. What a question. It's sort of like asking a perspective employee whether they hear voices and like to play with guns.

18. Are you a jealous person?
Sometimes.

19. Are you shy in expressing your feelings?
I express what I want to and when I want to.

20. You did something wrong. Instead of being
a human, God punished you to be an animal, what
animal would you be?
Huh? Weird flippin question. A bird I guess.

21. Psychology 101, a box is lying on the road,
and you picked it up. What's inside?
Are we back to this again.
Nothing. Nothing is in the box.

22. If you could enter a movie, any movie. What
movie would you enter?
The Village

23. Is it easy for you to smile?
No, I just sort of move my mouth and it happens.

24. Do you yell when you're in a fight with your
spouse?
All the time. He just laughs and says how sexy I am when I'm mad. Then I throw things.

25. After a fight with your spouse, you are
most likely to do what?
Say we're sorry and how we hate to fight. We're immature.

26. Are you modern or traditional?
Some of both

27. To you, a great night with my lover would
involve doing what?
See #13 Cause I'm getting bored with the questions.

28. How do you feel about public displays of
affection?
I'm too self absorbed to usually notice and if I do, I know how to look away. Sometimes it's gross though and it goes too far. Once I saw a couple trying to have sex on the beach one time. He was behind her with blanket on top and he kept telling his kid to go find shells. It was nasty and funn at the same time. Ok, more nasty, but I had a good laugh.

29. What do you think of premarital sex?
It was fun. Ahem, but, it's best left for marriage.

30. Make a wish, a good one!
I wish this interview were over. World peace. More wishes. And don't tell me I can't wish for more wishes, otherwise you're not really letting me hav a wish. Sadist.