Long Sleeved Shirt

Sorry my friends. If you were already squabbling over my belongings I'm going to have to disappoint you. I survived. However, I can't say my reputation for being a tough chic has. I've made peace with the fact I sounded like a raving sissy to the whole world. Hey, every vixen has her weakness.

And, yes, I went looking for a long-sleeve shirt today. I'm so not making this up. This is how truly whacked our weather has been lately.

Today I needed a long sleeve shirt.

Today my son asked for a sweatshirt.

Today, I used a throw blanket while reading.

Today, however, I didn't complain. I just sat and pondered the craziness of it all while sipping my piping hot chai.

Tomorrow, I hope to have my ankles back.

Am I on fire?

Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Currently: 87°F Clear
Currently: 30°C Clear
Wind: West at 8 MPH
Humidity: 69% Dewpoint: 76°FBarometer: 29.88 inches and rising
Heat Index: 97°F
Wind: West at 12 KPH

Help me! I'm not one to dwell on the weather. My wacky weather entry was merely to point out how a San Diego native has adjusted to living in the 'great dairy state'.

Yesterday it was a terenchal thunder storm. Today it's a heat wave. It's 95 degrees but with the dew point it feels like 115.

Don't you dare call me a wussy. I know, a girl from San Diego should be able to take the heat.

Well, I can't! I'm melting here people. I can't sweat like normal human beings. Instead I glisten and swell. It's unnatural. I swell up everywhere. I don't just have a serious case of heat induced cankles, but I think I might have thankles.

You know, my thigh has joined with my ankle producing a hideous elephant like limb. You gasp. It's ok, I gasped too.

Then I'm starting to see things. I decided it was in my best interest not to admit that I saw Garfield and Odi walk by me. Maybe I should have, hospitals have air conditioning, right?

Why don't I just turn on the air conditioning you ask? Well duh, I may be hallucinating but I'm not a total nit wit. It doesn't work! The stupid thing decides to run out of freon the day Wisconsin has an identity crisis and thinks its Florida.

We have to get the guy out tomorrow but in the mean time I think every crayon in the house has liquified . In a survival attempt I've been hiding in the basement where it's a tad bit cooler.

By cooler I mean the paint in the basement is actually bubbling up and peeling off. The condensation on the pipes have left tiny little puddles. I almost broke my neck when I slipped carrying the laundry hamper.

Laundry? Yes, I'm doing laundry in this heat wave because I'm a stupid girl. Today I'm both stupid and stubborn. Stupid, stubborn and hot. What else am I going to do all day in that dungeon? I figured I might as well conquer Mt. Washmore once and for all! If I'm going to die in this heat, I'm dying with clean, carefully folded piles of laundry. Someone else can put it away though because my back is killing me and it's too hot for a massage. Now that's flippin' hot!

Hmm. Is it possible that Richard has prayed for this heat? Knowing I'd busy myself in the basement? Is this some sort of set up? So he can have clean underwear? Who needs underwear in 95 degree weather anyways? Oh dear God, heat induced paranoia is setting in. I'm on the verge of being dilusional, more so then normal.

I better go scamper back down to the basement. And I'm going to take the rest of the popsicles with me and nobody can do a darn thing about it. I feel no shame in admitting I'm going to horde them. Does that make me a bad mother? As if they need another reason to fire me..

I'm eating them all! Every last one of them. I'm desparate here. A girl has to do what a girl has to do when she can't sweat. I'm hiding out while watching Northern Exposure on Dvd and if you they don't like it, I'm sticking my blue-green tongue out at them.

Oh and if I die, my dear friends, you must fight over who gets my butterfly collection, vintage pac-man shirt, Grease records, Strawberry Shortcake ragdoll, leather boots and my cameras. Sorry, I'm just too foggy headed to make out a will.

Wacky Wisconsin Weather

When I first moved here almost 8 years ago this August, I was told that if I didn't like the weather I should wait a few minutes for it to change.

They weren't being factitious. One minute is all it takes. No kidding. One moment it's as hot as two rats procreating in a wool sock and the next minute you're freezing. Or running for dear life to the nearest basement while sirens of doom are going off. Lightning is threatening to strike you dead and you can sort of imagine what 40 days and 40 nights of rain feels like.

Then as quickly as the Armageddon like storm came, it leaves. Then come the feelings of stupidity and embarrassment when you realize you might have just made a bunch of promises to God in exchange for your life (I'm more worried that if we were sucked away in a cyclone I'd die with a messy house, cat poop in the closet and Mt. Washmore unchallenged. How's that for piety?) over a rain storm. If you didn't feel like a total doofus already you notice all the while laughing Wisconsinites looked on. Yes, you laugh too. Go ahead, mock me. But when your from San Diego you rarely see rain. When you do, it's likely your house might slide down the hill.

During my first T-storm siren we all ran for dear life down to the basement while the other neighbors slowly finished their steaks on the grill. We sheepishly climbed back upstairs to realize we had over reacted. Just a little.

Yes, in Wisconsin the weather is a bit whacked. It's a heat wave one minute and then suddenly, you begin rummaging through your winter storage tubs for something with long sleeves.

Honey, where are my fuzzy, woolie socks?

Or you could be totally freezing your butt off and only one minute later seriously consider stripping down to your knickers because it feels like your in a microwave oven.

Only in Wisconsin.

In San Diego, the weather may be 'dull' as in predictable, but at least you know what to expect. Would you like some smog with your sun? Or how about a heat wave to go along with the brown haze? Most of the time though, it's about the same. Hot, hot, and more hot.

There's are positives to this wacky weather. Sometimes the weather comes in handy when you need a good excuse not to mow the lawn, go to work, or exercise. Plus, I've seen far more rainbows in Wisconsin. So I guess I've become accustom to the dairy state. Now like a senior initating the freshmen I get to laugh at other new transplants to Wisconsin.

Like today. We've escaped the severe thuderstorm of July 23rd and native cheeseheads are currently back out grilling and drinking beer. I think the new neighbors are finally peeking their heads out of the basement now. (laughing wickedly)

Foto Friday

This is what I call parental blackmail. When he brings a girlfriend over, we'll be sure to say, "would you like to go through Lil' J's baby pictures?" What girlfriend will say no? So when they get into a fight she can yell, 'at least I'm not a nose picker!'

I'm the envy of all parents...

Everywhere. OK, well at least many of you. (morning people don't count, you're all just weird anyways)

I actually slept in until 10:41am. Yes, what a loser I am. But I enjoyed every little many of it. Lil' J slept next to me, so I figured, I might as well stay here until he gets up.

We even went to bed at a 'decent' hour. I was alseep by 10:30p. My girls are still asleep. I have no idea what's going on or what was put into the water, but I'm not complaining.

I'll take some more please.

On a bad note, my 15 year old took a scoop of my chai tea mix without asking. (Do they ever ask?) Of course, he 'only took a little', leaving me with barely enough to make a cup.

Me: Uh J, where's my chai? I have no chai left. How am I going to make a cup with this measly amount?

J: I didn't do it

Snoo: See mom, I told you he drank your chai. I watched him do it last night

J: Yeah, but I didn't take that much, so stay out of it

Me: I thought you didn't do it, hey? Listen, this is my one luxury in the morning and you use up my last bit!? I was having such a great morning. I don't know now, this might send me over the edge. And it will be all your fault. Do you want that on your conscience? I'll have a valid excuse, you know. It's called I Haven't Had My Morning Fix Yet excuse. I hear it holds up in some courts.

J: I'm sorry mom.

Me: Well, you'd better be. I think they kill kids over this kind of thing in Russia. Good thing we're in Wisconsin and I'm still giddy over sleeping in.

Maybe I shouldn't cook..

In an attempt to be both productive and housewife-ish I ran errands. Sometimes instead of being the Proverbial wife, I feel like an unindustrious housewife. Maybe that should be my new title.

I made a bank deposit.

Like, no way. (yes, I'm a child of the 80's)

I hate making bank deposits. I'd rather make bank withdrawal's.

I dropped letters in the mail.

I know, I know, I shouldn't hurt myself trying too hard.

I even bought laundry soap.

Laundry. Like, gag me with a spoon.

Then, I decided today would be a cooking day. Since I've repented of my carnivorous behavior I had to start cooking veggie cuisine. You know, get the week started off right.

My goal was to make ahead ziti, potato salad and chili.

It didn't go as I had imagined.

I forgot I was boiling water. Until I smelled hot plastic. Yeah the pan handles about disintegrated.

I think I over cooked my potatoes. I dropped an egg on the ground. (did you know hard boiled eggs can bounce?)

I forgot to put the crock pot down to high. I forgot the chili seasoning. Heck, I even forgot I was making chili so don't think it got stirred once in 2 hours. Then when I checked in on the mush chili I burned myself while stirring. To add insult to injury after shaking about 3 tbl spoons of chili seasoning I realized it was cayenne pepper. I haven't stopped sneezing since. Like, seriously. Oh, and since R had the great idea to put a fan in the kitchen window some blew into my face. My mouth burns.

My pride hurts worse.

And what am I thinking making chili in the middle of July anyways?

Maybe I shouldn't be allowed to cook....

I say we eat this for dinner instead.



Technically, funnel cake sundaes are vegetarian right? Ah, it won't do much for my butthigh though.

I repent

After being a vegetarian for 8 years, and a vegan for almost 8 months, (It wasn't due to religion or animal cruelty. Just repulsion) I started eating meat again less then a year ago.

Since then I've gained 20lbs. My hair is drier and frizzier. My skin is suffering. I never had zits as a kid, and now I get them often. My knee hurts. My back aches. I don't feel as good, and my clothes don't fit right.

First I started eating dairy again. A little ice cream here. A bit of cheese there. And I wanted a REAL brownie, REALLY bad.

Don't ask me why I started eating meat again. It started with evil chicken strips with spicy mustard sauce. I was repulsed and curious all at the same time that they actually smelled tempting to me.

"Hmm, I wonder if I could eat one." Mmmm, not so bad..

Then I tried ham. Oh my word, I ate HAM. What was I thinking? The only time I have ever wanted to eat meat again since going vegetarian in 1995 is when I was pregnant with Lil' J. It started then, and I couldn't get enough shredded beef tacos. BEEF tacos. I shocked everyone around me.

They must have been thinking: What's wrong with Lissa has she gone mad? I think she's going to eat her fingers off at the rate she's stuffing those tacos in.

After the little bundle of joy entered into the world in April of 2000 I slowly started becoming repulsed by the sight, smell, and taste of meat. Keep in mind, I haven't eaten any ground meat of any species since 1995. I won't even go there. Nevermind a hotdog or lunch meat. I'd gag even trying.

Even when I was pregnant I wouldn't touch meats with nitrates like ham, bacon, or pepperoni. It was mostly chicken, tuna (I always crave tuna during pregnancy), and certain kinds of beef.

This time though, during my fall off the veggie wagon, I've consumed ham, bacon, pepperoni, roast beef, roast pork (grandma forced me), chicken, fish, and shrimp. Oh, and I even ate a little bit of steak, which is another cut of meat I haven't wanted to go near. It was a slow process. Just a little here, or a little there. I could see chicken prepared one way and I'd totally reject it. Yet, another time, I'd want it.

What has gotten into me? I know a vegetarian diet isn't for everyone, but it has worked well for me, and I really do prefer it. So, why the sudden change? I'm not pregnant. I've been a bad, bad girl.

To my body: I'm sorry. I repent. I will start being good again. Bye-bye butthigh.

Now, I have another thing to concentrate on, as if my life isn't crazy enough. My friends, bear with as I see pictures of food, recipes, and updates on a vegetarian gone to the dark side in the future.

Thanks to dad's everywhere

For rides up on your shoulders. Tired little feet and curious eyes appreciate it.



LiL' J aka 'Squishy' hitches a ride on R's shoulders, at Six flags Great America, this past father's day. Notice the other dad obliging his daughter as well? It's a universal dad thing. Tis' one of the things I missed as a fatherless child. Kuddos to all you good dad's out there!

It's 2am, where are your kids?

There's one of mine. Wish I could say I was doing the same. Nope, instead I'm awake. As you can see, since I'm blogging at an ungodly hour. What is really ungodly about it I don't know, but I didn't make up that phrase so just let me babble.

Why I'm awake at 2am is beyond me, but I apparently have these fits of insomnia for no good reason.

Things I haven't partaken which might keep me awake at 2am.

1. Crack
2. Coffee
3. Crime

So why can't I sleep like a baby?

Silent but deadly

I just read a post about potty training, on a blog called The Grass isn't Greener**. Of course true to Lissa style I closed the window before saving the link. Figures. No worries, it's a small blog world, it will come around again. (**update, included link, thanks Barbara)

Unfortunately I had little hope to offer. At 15, 12, 11, and 5 mine are technically all potty trained. Technically. But I'm still cleaning up after their poop. Just this morning I had to wipe the toilet seat down as it looked like somebody actually used a spray bottle on it.

J had encopresis between the ages of 3-9 years. I'd find these little clumps of crap all over the carpet. Kids with encopresis usually have chronic constipation, and eventually after avoiding the bathroom for so long, just poop their pants. Yep. That was fun. I remember once when he was about 4 and eating raisin bran at the breakfast nook, he proceeded to grasp the tile topped table, bear down, then with grunting sounds and all just loaded his pants. In front of his grandfather. While he was eating. It must have been the cereal. Darn that fiber.

Then there were these little surprises left all over the house. How it got from the kids bottom, to the under pants, to my floor I still haven't figured out. But we'd find these little clumps all the time. Maybe he sharted. Or maybe as my husband puts it, ' prairie dogged' it too long. Did I just say that outloud? Yeah, I did. He still remembers the time he was having too much fun playing play- doh at the neighbors house. It's always fun and games til someone poops a hole in their pants.

I had nightmares when Lil' J was a baby. Just when he'd master the pincher grasp his first feeding off the carpet would be his brothers poop! Then I began getting crazed and paranoid.

Me: Oh my good-nits, is that a poop clump!? Run, somebody get the toilet paper!

Kids: Mmm-ooo-mmm- it's just a raisin. Sheesh.

After too many sniff tests gone wrong, everything was a poop clump until proven otherwise.

Until the day Snoo tried to eat a chocolate chip off the floor. Yes, my daughter was about 9 before she outgrew eating off the ground. (She ate her brothers tooth once, cause it looked like candy? How she could have eaten a TOOTH, I'll never know) But that's a whole other post.

A chocolate chip can be very tempting to a child that doesn't mind eating off the ground. Especially if that child is allergic to dairy so therefore it's a forbidden fruit food. She was warned though.

Mooch: Ew, Snoo, don't eat off the ground. Disgusting!! Don't eat that! It's probably J's poop!

Snoo: Not uh. No. Shut up, your just saying that.

Mooch: MmmOoomm, Snoo's trying to eat off the floor again.

Snoo: Not uh. She's lying. She's just trying to get me into trouble.

Me: (from the other room) Snoo, how many times have I told you to stop that. It's disgusting! You're like what, 20 years old now, and still trying to eat off the ground. It's not like I don't feed you...

Snoo: EWWWWWWWWWW!!! Gross!! Disgusting. (Crying) It smells like poop. This chocolate chip smells like poop (throws it across the room) ...I almost ate..

Mooch: (hysterical laughter) I told you it was poop. Snoo almost ate poop.

Me: Would you two be quiet. Stop saying mean things to each other!

Show me, where is it? (screaming J's name) Oh dear Lord, it is poop. ANOTHER poop clump! Why me!? And you were going to eat it? What's wrong with you, can't you tell the difference between a chocolate chip and poop? J, that's it, I love you, but you're going on mineral oil. I've picked up my last piece of sh** off the floor!

J: It's not meeeeee...

Mooch: (still laughing hysterically) I told you it wasn't a chocolate chip..

Then Snoo technically isn't potty trained fully since she's got this "night time problem". The doctors call it enuresis. I call it wet, stinky sheets, and lots more laundry. I know it's no fun for her so we never make he feel bad about it. I just do the laundry and dream of the day I don't have to do it anymore. Wait, then there will be grandkids. After they get potty trained and just when I think I'm finally done with others pee and poop, suddenly I'll be pissing my own pants when I sneeze and sending R for depends. Oh joy.

And can this girl ever out pee a good-nite. It's like Niagara falls or something. I don't care what anyone says about pee being sterile. It stinks and it's nasty, and nobody wants a room smelling like a barn yard.

We've tried everything. Medication. Alarms. Minimizing fluids. Waking her every 2 1/2 hours. So even though our baby slept through the night, we're still getting up every 2 hours to get the 10 year old girl to the bathroom. Only to find sometime during the last 2 hr bathroom trip, she managed to pee all over herself and never woke up. Once this kid actually gets to sleep, she's out. One time it was my shift to wake her up. When I led her into the bathroom, I went into my room for a second, only to return finding her squatting near her closet door.

Me: Noooooooooooooo!! What are you doing!!! Get up, your peeing on the floor!

Snoo: Huh? What? I like the red one better...

Me: Yeah, that's nice. Me too. I'll take mine in the convertible, now over the toilet please.

I think the funniest time though was when she was about 8 or 9 and actually made it to the bathroom by herself, only to sit down with her undies still on.

Then there's Lil' J, he's a lot like big J. He doesn't like to go. He doesn't like to stop what he's doing. So he waits, and waits, and holds it until he's running to the bathroom for dear life. Just last week Mooch asked me if I knew that there's was poop all over the bathroom wall.

Then I hear screams from Snoo.

It was mayhem. You would have thought somebody had found a dead body. All these voices squealing, yelling, and laughing all at once. All I can catch are words like poop, seat, wall, floor, toilet clog, stinks.

I'm a veteran arse wiper. I've cleaned my fair share of accidents up. But never, ever, have I ever seen a mess like that. (and I was even called to come pick him up from K4 once cause he had an accident so bad, he couldn't even walk out of the stall without needing help)

That was pure talent.

I suppose in his desperation to make haste he thought nobody would notice it was his soiled under pants and shorts stuffed into the upside down trash can. Nevermind that he's the only one wearing Batman underwear.

Poor little man. He could hear the screams, the fear, and the laughter from his hiding spot upstairs.

Me: Honey, where are you? I can see you had a ginormous-I-need-an-industrial-mop-to-clean-it-up little accident. Come out, let me help you get cleaned up.

We told him it was no big deal, and tossed him into the shower like we've done with all the others.

Then the kids came to apologize for laughing..

J: It's OK, bud. I used to poop my pants all the time.

Mooch: (snicker) you still do

Laughter

Snoo: Yeah and I had diarrhea all over the school bus seats in preschool

Everyone turns to look at Snoo

Oh, and literally as I write this Snoo perfumed the air with what R calls "O dae butt".

R: OK, who crapped their pants in my living room?

You know the kind, silent but deadly. It took years for me to get through to her, that silent didn't mean odorless.

Snoo : (in church) What, you couldn't hear me....

Lucky for me, the fan is pointed right at me.

Me: Snoo! How could you....

Snoo: It's not me, it smells like the cat....OK, it is me, but I did it over there.

This too shall pass. (I hope)

Frank Lloyd Wright

I took this shot inside Merona Terrace located in Madison, Wisconsin. Something about those chairs, and the whole dining hall spoke to me. Red was his favorite color, and the whole building has a circular theme without. Behind those white pillars in the front there, is a place to park the trailor of a semi-truck. Hey, you might need to haul a rig full of stuff for your next meeting or convention. Or you can dream.

A boy and his cat

We're back, and be assured I'll have an update about my fun yet crazy a** trip. In the mean time, here are pics of Lil' J and his cat. He misses his buddy when we leave. Can you see how he loves that little fur bag? That is the only reason we don't find this cat a new home, even though he pees all over the place, and then digs into the trash so he can throw it up everywhere.

When I try to bribe Lil' J to give him up for a little dog, nope, he won't hear of it. A boy and his cat, such is unconditional love. It's always that way when they (the kids) aren't the ones cleaning up the mess.

(right click to open in new window for a bigger view)

LiL' J in Disquise

Naturally something would have to happen before we came home from Michigan. LiL' J and the mesquitos don't get along too well. This is the second time they've attacked his eye.

On the way home he wore his celebrity get up. He didn't want anyone to gasp, oh my gosh, what happened to that poor kid recognize him so he's sporting his hat and sunglasses.

I guess he's a little camera shy self conscious.