July 16, 2005

I repent

After being a vegetarian for 8 years, and a vegan for almost 8 months, (It wasn't due to religion or animal cruelty. Just repulsion) I started eating meat again less then a year ago.

Since then I've gained 20lbs. My hair is drier and frizzier. My skin is suffering. I never had zits as a kid, and now I get them often. My knee hurts. My back aches. I don't feel as good, and my clothes don't fit right.

First I started eating dairy again. A little ice cream here. A bit of cheese there. And I wanted a REAL brownie, REALLY bad.

Don't ask me why I started eating meat again. It started with evil chicken strips with spicy mustard sauce. I was repulsed and curious all at the same time that they actually smelled tempting to me.

"Hmm, I wonder if I could eat one." Mmmm, not so bad..

Then I tried ham. Oh my word, I ate HAM. What was I thinking? The only time I have ever wanted to eat meat again since going vegetarian in 1995 is when I was pregnant with Lil' J. It started then, and I couldn't get enough shredded beef tacos. BEEF tacos. I shocked everyone around me.

They must have been thinking: What's wrong with Lissa has she gone mad? I think she's going to eat her fingers off at the rate she's stuffing those tacos in.

After the little bundle of joy entered into the world in April of 2000 I slowly started becoming repulsed by the sight, smell, and taste of meat. Keep in mind, I haven't eaten any ground meat of any species since 1995. I won't even go there. Nevermind a hotdog or lunch meat. I'd gag even trying.

Even when I was pregnant I wouldn't touch meats with nitrates like ham, bacon, or pepperoni. It was mostly chicken, tuna (I always crave tuna during pregnancy), and certain kinds of beef.

This time though, during my fall off the veggie wagon, I've consumed ham, bacon, pepperoni, roast beef, roast pork (grandma forced me), chicken, fish, and shrimp. Oh, and I even ate a little bit of steak, which is another cut of meat I haven't wanted to go near. It was a slow process. Just a little here, or a little there. I could see chicken prepared one way and I'd totally reject it. Yet, another time, I'd want it.

What has gotten into me? I know a vegetarian diet isn't for everyone, but it has worked well for me, and I really do prefer it. So, why the sudden change? I'm not pregnant. I've been a bad, bad girl.

To my body: I'm sorry. I repent. I will start being good again. Bye-bye butthigh.

Now, I have another thing to concentrate on, as if my life isn't crazy enough. My friends, bear with as I see pictures of food, recipes, and updates on a vegetarian gone to the dark side in the future.