Why women are sometimes crabby

We started to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So some guy came up with the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs.

Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had. For more than 30% of us, the pain is so intolerable we live on pain killers or chocolate for 5 straight days.

Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (if he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.

Then it was off to motherhood where we learned to live on Arrowroot biscuits and weak tea for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day driving the porcelain bus. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.

Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we peed our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed lower regions invariably burst right in the middle of the Woolworths and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the hospital.

Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Jones. Calm down and push. Just one more good push (more like 10)," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the sod (and hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10lb bowling ball through a keyhole.

After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking,
jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.

Then come their teen years. Need I say more?

When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.

So we progress into the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood problems. It's a choice of either take the hormone replacement therapy and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementionedlower regions, or, sweat like a pig at Christmas, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.

Now, you ask why women seem to be more spiteful than men when men get off so easy including the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...

So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right.