January 12, 2005

You Might Be Liberal If...

Courtesy of my friend, Kathy

Don't you all go getting your undies in a bunch, just poking a little fun. *poke poke* I'm a political mutt, so I can laugh at all of it objectively.

[As a public service, and with apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, here are
the early warning signs that reveal if you, or someone you care
about, just might be a liberal.]

* You think that protestors outside nuclear power plants are
dedicated activists, but protestors outside abortion clinics are
dangerous zealots interfering with a legal activity.

* You believe that more federal regulations will make your life

* You believe that even though the top 20 percent of taxpayers pay
80 percent of income taxes, that the rich are not paying their "fair

* You think that Rush Limbaugh's listeners are
mindless "dittoheads," but you have never doubted anything that you
heard from Michael Moore.

* You believe that the network news is a better indicator of
what "real" news is than talk radio, Internet news sites, and blogs.

* You believe that there was never, ever a problem with biased news
coverage until Fox News went on the air.

* You believe that Mikhail Gorbachev deserves more credit for losing
the Cold War than Ronald Reagan deserves for winning it.

* You mentally subtract 100 points from someone's IQ if the person
speaks with a Southern accent.

* You think that Dan Rather got a raw deal.

* You think that the phrase "separation of church and state" is in
the Constitution.

* You pride yourself on your global awareness, global sensitivity
and global outlook, but can't name your state legislator or school
board representative.

* You are dedicated to helping the poor, the downtrodden and the
less fortunate, but you have never given blood.

* You believe that a woman should make it on her own, without
depending on her husband (except for Hillary Clinton).

* You believe that professional, working women should never be
judged on their appearance (except for Katherine Harris).

* You believe that rich people should not be allowed to contribute
so much money to candidates for office (except for George Soros).

* You feel a deep sense of common cause with oppressed groups, such
as Hispanic immigrants (except for Cuban Americans fleeing Castro).

* You believe that a mother's wishes for her child, especially a
mother's last, dying wish for her child, should outweigh the wishes
of a father who had long before deserted his family (unless the
child is named Elian Gonzalez).

* You have no problem with Hollywood movie stars flying around in
private jets to give speeches on the evils of SUVs.

* You think that raising taxes will reduce the budget deficit.

* You are more concerned, more often, with the rights of convicted
felons than you are with the rights of small business owners.

* You uphold a woman's right to choose, unless a woman chooses
adoption, chooses to be a stay-at-home mom, chooses to homeschool,
or chooses to start a business.

* You are more concerned with Vice President Cheney's links to
Halliburton than with Saddam Hussein's links to international

* You have used the phrase, "in Europe, the government pays for
health care and vacation," without irony.

* You are worried about how the French view Americans.

* You believe that nativity scenes should be banned from public
view, but that anyone objecting to pornography "only has to look the
other way".

* And finally, you are almost certainly a liberal if you refuse to
admit that you're a liberal, and accuse anyone of calling you a neo-