February 22, 2005

A 26 y/o virgin?

Does such a thing exist? Since I lost my virginity at 15 years old, about 6-8 months after attending a ' Why Wait' rally, I can't lay claim to that title. I will say though, that I regret being so young, and not waiting. I now have the job of raising four sexually healthy kids that will hopefully remain pure until marriage. It's not easy with the normal hormonal urges one experiences, and the constant bombarding of sexual images kids see at very young ages all over the place.

I guess it does though, since Rebecca St. James is that 26 year old virgin, who has a passion for talking to young people about waiting until marriage. She is involved with the True Love Waits group. There is more information about this movement at Love Matters. When I was 15 it was called "Why Wait". In my group of friends that went, I think only a few kept their committment to remain virgins until marriage. Just from the friends I kept in contact with from El Cajon Christian Junior High, I think there was at least 3 of us that were teen moms.

I have often wondered, why I went the direction I did, while others didn't. One thing Rebecca writes in an interview with Decision publication, which is put out by the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, is how much her family has helped support her in her faith and decisions. There was a lot of open communication and support. Now, I'm not going to blame my choices on my family.

However, having been from a broken home at the age of one, and then made fatherless at the age of two, only to be raised by an emotionally abusive mom, who was also neglectful did not make it easy for me. I was also asked to leave the Heritage Christian Junior High for my grades after only attending one semester of 8th grade. So I watched most of my friends go on to the high school. Since my mom was lukewarm about her faith then (after having gone to Shadow Mountain Community Church for about a year or so where my grandparents were members) I was pretty much cut off from support. My mom did her own thing, let me do what I wanted, go where I wanted, she wasn't interested in my life. (At least it felt that way). At that point, a matter of fact, I saw her as nothing more then a hyprocrite. Even when I had gone to the youth group at SMCC, then called Scott Memorial Baptist, I just felt invisible. I think my getting kicked of out high school for truancy was a cry for help from her. To be a mom, to care, to talk to me. Instead, I went to a continuation high school, where some of the kids were kicked out for much worse things then I. That is where I met Richard, both of us were 15. He is now my husband.

I know there are some young people, that regardless of abusive households and a lack of a church family, go through high school without involvement in drugs, sex, and all the rest, but by the time the end of 9th grade had come, I wasn't one of them. Frankly, there aren't many kids at all, regardless of their faith and homelife. Or maybe I'm just jaded, but it seems that way to me.

I do appreciate what singers like Rebecca St. James are doing though, and groups like True Love Waits. I think however, to maximize effectiveness, many pieces have to be in place, the most important, being the family atmosphere.

Another good group is Girls Of Grace which is a wonderful organization conceived by the Christian group, Point of Grace. My girls are currently reading their book, Girls of Grace - Faith, Family, Friends, and Boys.

I will provide the family environment for my kids, that I didn't have. Covering them in unconditional love, prayer, acceptance, and support. I will also talk, talk, and talk about sex. As well as love, marriage, self esteem, and learning to love who they are early on. When it comes down to it though, they will make their own choices. All I can do then is cling to the promise of Proverbs 22:6, Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

Does this mean they won't rebel, test the limits, experiment? No, I am sure they will. I can almost bet on it. Do Adolescents: Run Amuck? Yep, it seems so. Preachers kids are often known for being worse. I enjoyed reading Those Adolescent Preacher's Kids by Thomas F. Fischer, M.Div., M.S.A

I was friends with a PK in 8th grade. She was definitately out there, pushing it, even doing some really dumb things. I remember when my mom was so proud that I was friends with this PK who was visiting her dad for the summer. (Her father had an affair with a woman he was counseling. He resigned as Pastor & her mom divorced him and moved out of state) My friend whined all night about sneaking out. When I finally gave in she lit up some cigarettes, and then walked right up to the car of about 5 college aged men that were hollaring at us. She had a potty mouth on her for sure, and was beyond boy crazy. I practially had to drag her butt away from the car, asking her if she was nuts! That was the summer before 9th grade, I can only guess how her high school years went.

Lord help me, because He knows I need it with a 14 year old son and two girls aged 12 and 11. M constantly points out the 'hot' guys already. So I'm right on the edge. If I survive those years, I get to do it again with my youngest (4) as he toddles after them.