I'm having a poopy kind of day.
I'm out of chai. Thus I had to face the truth that I'm a morning caffeine addict like the rest of you, even if I hate coffee. (it gives you poop breath, you know)
I should just go back to bed. Or better yet hide in my room and belly dance.I found out my mother-in-law is coming to visit in JUST OVER A WEEK. I'm cool with my mother-in-law, however she brings her dog with her. I sometimes wonder if he is one of satan's spawns, coming to taunt me into insanity. The dog barks at everything. Every little freaking noise. Imagined or not. If someone farts, he barks for 15 minutes. He sheds like a new mom. My cats hide in the my closet so they can piss in my suitcases. I stick my tongue out at the beast when no one is looking. It doesn't seem to make me feel better. Yeah, so I'm a little childish.
My house is a total wreck. I'm suppose to be hosting a 5 day club next week. For my heathen readers, that's a little backyard club where teen's come to teach Bible stories to neighborhood children, while they get pumped up on sugary treats. At least their houses are right next to mine so I can send them home when they announce to the group, "I have to go poop". Why do kids feel they need to tell you that? That's nice, I'll alert the press, now run along before I have to call a clean up crew. Sending them home is good. They can't accidentally find their way into my goodie jar after they
Did I mention I was out of chai? I haven't had my morning caffeine. I hear elephants thumping upstairs. And I didn't get to drink my liquid patience. PLEASE MAKE THEM STOP.
At least my mother didn't ask for money or to come live with me. Not that I hate or anything but who wants their mother to living with them? After telling her about her grandchildren (without being asked) she breaks in, "Yes, that's nice about the kids, we can talk about them for a minute" Then on to her. It's all about her. She's working hard. The days are long. She's up very early. She's out in the sun all day..... I know, you're all shocked. No one else has ever done that before.
And why couldn't she do this when I was a kid? I digress...
There's a million tiny red ants in my kitchen. They were in my salt shaker. What for?
I want to tear up the carpet in this house. It's getting smelly. Carpet is evil. Carpet is a mom's arch enemy. Why the heck would someone ever put carpet into a diningroom? Are they sadistic?
Wah, wah, wah.
Then I got to thinking. At least I'm not giving birth in a stinky barn while thousands of people watch me poop myself.
That's something to be thankful for. Oh, and sorry I either made you gag or lose your appetite. But you shouldn't be eating at the computer anyways. Tchah.