August 11, 2005

My Mother Called

She's (52) working at YNP since she still doesn't have a car. She came to live with me last July, then she moved over to the Twin Cities when my grandma was dying of cancer. When my grandma died in Janurary she lived with her oldest sister for awhile and then abruptly moved back to YNP.

Whenever she can't make life work, she runs to me or YNP.

She knows she can get a job there whenever she needs one and she can aquire cheap housing.

She called me because I didn't call her back fast enough after she sent me a two sentence email telling me we should "talk". I never know where I can reach her so I rarely bother calling her anymore.

She had that sound in her voice. I want to believe it's just because she misses me and wants to update me on what's going on in her life.

Yet, history usually contradicts otherwise. It's a secret wish of an adult daughter. I confess I know things will never be 'normal' between us, whatever normal is. Yet I have that little bit of hope.

Does she need money?

Does she want to move back in with me for the upteenth time?

Does she want me, the child, to give her advice on how to live her life again?

I guess I'll find out when I pick up the phone.

Oh, and did I mention I hate phones?

Yes, I hate, hate, hate talking on the phone. Imagine that. A girl that dislikes the telephone.

I don't like answering them. I don't like talking on them. A matter of fact, caller ID is a phone-a-phobics best friend. If I don't know you or don't feel like talking to you, I'll click 'end' so the phone stops ringing.

I can then forget you're trying to reach me.

Uh, but I've never done this to my mother. Often.